Chinese water torture A.K.A Eastenders.

Dearest reader, kick-ass diction fans, I would like to offer you a sincere apology; Kyle decided not talking about his trip was a good idea. But instead he wrote absolute tripe on the best TV shows. Any best TV show list that features Eastenders, is worthy of ritual suicide. Except the ‘how I met your mother’ one, which is one of life’s great questions. Why is it called that?
Anyway.

So the theme of this week is 5 things that might have happened to Kyle, to make him do such a shameful thing.

1. He has adopted the stereotype of a middle aged woman. Whilst in south Africa, Kyle had a crisis of gender and took a sex change, the trauma from the surgery has aged him significantly, meaning he can empathise with characters from soaps. Sorry Ladies, Kyle is now a man.

2. Hallucinogenic drugs, Kyle was feeling sorry for himself and a bit stuck with things to write. So he took, more drugs than the Beatles whilst writing ‘I am the Walrus’. He was higher than a kite attached to a jet plane which has been launched into the stratosphere. He then mistook, the purple elephant duelling with Gimli for an episode of Eastenders.

3. Blackmail, his whole family, have been taken. Kyle does not have the necessary skills to make him a nightmare for people like you. In a trade off, he wrote the previous post. If you are out there, please, please return Kyle’s family.
4. He has been influenced by politics. So he just lies all the time. Like that film, about the habitual liar. But more dramatic, like Die Hard mixed with that film whose name alludes me. In this case, he also has not returned from South Africa, locationseption.

5. Kyle has taken part in an experiment, where he has his eyelids taped back and is forced to watch soap opera’s. And he is now a crazed sociopath, who regularly has plot twists and has little or no character depth. And hangs out in a pub. And is going to be type cast for the rest of his life.

So guys, I’m sorry for his behaviour. And when I find out what happened to him, It’s going to be like a cheap remake of bad boys 2 without the drugs, cars or police.
Because, that’s how Conall sees it.