From Aberystwyth to Berlin. (This has no relevance).

Pre-blog: *we stopped briefly to play rock, paper, lizard, Spock*.
As a pre-request we would like everyone to link this blog to Beyonce’s twitter account. (@Beyonce). With the tag #PutARingOnIt.

Today’s theme is the top 10 things you do before doing other things.

In at 5:
Prinks: The old British Classic Drinking lots before going out on a night of drinking. Where is the logic in this, it’s like eating before going out for a meal… #TESLA

4. Pre-Raphaelites
These guys are so cool. Their collectively more famous than their namesakes Raphael.   DOPE MAN DOPE.
Kyle: I don’t know who they are….

3. Pre-Doctor
Conall: The refreshing 20 minutes where you wash before going out to the doctors because it’s your only chance to meet other people and finally talk about yourself to another human being. And potentially have Their hands on your face or leg and finally find unique compassion in another beings touch…
Kyle: The hour out for meditation for mental preparation for a new episode of DOCTORWHOOO.
*Conall attempts to do the theme tune.*
Kyle: WRONG!
AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A TIME LORD PARTY. BECAUSE TIME PARTY AINT BOUND BY TYPICAL TEMPORAL PARAMETERS AND THUS DOES NOT STOP.

2. Pre-school
Kyle: Three years of your life preparing for something even more crap.
Conall: Until you discover girls. Or not *cough* Kyle *cough*.

1. THE PRE-BLOG.
BECAUSE WE JUST INVENTED IT.
AND YOU GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BLOG AIN'T ONE.

PEACE. And that is how Conall sees it.
(Kyle says Bye).

Kyle on Dating (Re:named). Kyle's desire to be unhappy.

Today Me and Kyle began with an argument over who would type. Because Kyle does not have word, Conall is typing. Bloody incompetent White people.  They should call you the Kite Runner. Haha literary joke Kyle didn’t understand because his favourite book is the hungry hungry caterpillar.
At this point Conall began a writers’ strike. So Kyle took over the writing.

Well, welcome to the blog that is designed to make me look bad, and Conall like a God. This post should put me in a better light, as your "hero" Conall is on a writer strike. And by writer strike, I mean on the same Skype call with me, trying to retune his horrendous sounding guitar. #NIRVANANIRVANA #YOLO #TESLA

Today we will discuss dating, again. A subject which 50 per cent of this blog writing team knows a little something about, massive clue, it’s Kyle. Kyle plays the field. KYLE you whore.

Yup, it's me. I'm an expert on the theory side of the things. Kind of like how when you know all the rules to football, but never actually play football because you have crippling bad asthma and an inferiority complex which always leaves you on the side-lines. I mean I read a lot of books on the subject and by books I mean articles and by articles I mean, the lust page of the metro (sometimes).

Kyle then thoroughly regretfully said ‘Conall, you’re going to have to type this. I have absolutely no idea what to say’.

So I am renaming this blog post. Kyle’s desire to be unhappy.

Conall: Why do you wanna be so unhappy Kyle?
Kyle: It’s because the world is full of kittens and I am a raving homosexual. *this was edited because Kyle’s answer was too mushy*
Conall: SO Kyle what’s your type?
Kyle: Single, and lonely. Intellectual but not as intellectual as you.
Conall: On a scale of, Britney to Voltaire, how intellectual?
Kyle: I say maybe, I dunno. Smarter than me because I can’t think of anyone with a similar IQ to which I desire.
Conall: What about looks Kyle?
Kyle: I really can’t afford to be picky.
Conall: So basically the three things you require, are being female, watches doctor who  and sight impaired?
At this point Kyle repeated ‘Asshole’ a few times, so I assume you need one of those too.
Kyle: All I have ever done is love you. You’re just so cruel to me.
So I wrote a poem. It goes like this.
Once there was a boy from Leeds / Who invaded all Facebook feeds / He's always online, he has way too much time, / Also an enthusiast of beads
Conall briefly reviewed this: You’re so deep you are like a well. You are well. This sad sad story which you reflect through your blank verse  is extremely personal and we can see Kyle at a real low point in his life. Like Sylvia when her oven wouldn’t turn on.

So if anyone with thick glasses, a skirt and loves doctor who is reading this blog. Please call: 0755202 (i have left this phone number incomplete because Kyle said it was unfair hint. The last 4 numbers are 1234).
Forget red nose day, this is the charity appeal you need to be part of.
Because that’s how Conall sees it.

The inability of man (Kyle)

#YOLOYOLOSWAGSWAG,

Welcome all to the FIRST EVER joint post from CONALLKYLE. Conall is first because he is typing (and better).

We are going to do our desert Island *mutters of appreciation from the Conall’s arty fan club*. Sorry to all kick ass diction followers there will be mostly err eclectic music tastes over to Kyle for his first pick of 8.

1 Kyle: SO I need 8 albums. My first would probably be *long pause, some hmminh* living things from Linkin park.
Conall: Wow that’s bad grammar…
Kyle: Friday is forgiveness day. #REPENTANCE.
Top track: HSHFULLOFASS
Conall: In English?
Kyle: Castle of Glass. Because it was all I listened to on the way back to south Africa on the plane. Reminds me of family.
Conall: I was going to make a really sarcastic joke about this but now you’re just being cute. I refuse to listen to linkin park because they are sell-outs. WE DON’T SWEAR. WE’RE CALLING THING ALBUM F### My D##k. ¬¬

Conall 1: Kind of Blue by Miles Davis.
Kyle: At this point you will see a massive contrast in our music taste.
Conall: Well lets be honest it is the best jazz record ever made. Highlight: So what. DAT TRUMPET
Kyle: Err yeah, I’ll agree with you…

Kyle 2:  Green day: American idiot.
Conall: So you pick the worst Green day album?
Kyle: This is because when I was younger eating pie... Kyle refused to finish the sentence due to a massive breakdown.

Which involved Nutella and Kleenex and 6 watches of Dirty Dancing.

Conall 2: Benjamin Francis leftwich Last smoke before the snow storm. For pure sentimental value. And it’s quality. Top Track: Don’t go slow. Because sometimes slow is fast.

Kyle 3: I wanted to name boulevard of broken dreams.
Conall: MY SHALLOW HEARTTSS ONLY THE THING THAT’S FLEETING DEEEDNNNANANA I WALK I WALK AAA *JAZZ HANDS*.
Kyle: My favourite album at the minute, Imagine Dragons – Night Visions.
Kyle’s explanation wasn’t funny so it’s cut.

Conall 3:The Strokes – IS this it.
Kyle: Why is that?
Conall: Because, there’s every other band then theres the strokes. Plus they’re named after a violent medical condition, dope. #YOLO.

Kyle 4: Two steps from Hell. I don’t know what you call the genre.
Conall: Dramatic film score. Making life epic since like the last 35 seconds.

Conall had a crisis at this point unable to choose between Ingrid olava and joy division.
He thusly debated himself coming to the conclusion what his discs needed was some post punk revival,

And thusly he plums for The Rakes Ten new messages.
Conall: What can I say. Sorry Ingrid I love you. But this has to be on the island with me, so when I get drunk and lonely I can listen to it. WHERE HAS ALL THE RUM GONE. WHY HAS THE RUM GONE. Moving gracefully and swiftly on. A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME ARRGGGG

Kyle 5: Hmm what am I missing?
Conall: Some good music.  APPLY TO ICE TO THAT BURN.
Kyle: Girls just wanna have fun – Cindy Lauper.
Conall: Just to clarify Kyle did not pick this. Kyle took to long, so I picked what I assumed to be his favourite album. Highlight: Girls just wanna have fun. Always the sign of a good night.

Conall 5: The soft eyes – Lets dance to our own beats. Which you’ve probably never heard of.
I LOVE NORWEIGAN SYNTH POP. SO WHAT,
Kyle: I am not nearly as hipster as you. Why can I not say anything without it going in,
Conall: selective censorship.

At this point Kyle was out of music, so we shall move on to luxury items.
Kyle: Ermmmm. Gameboy. STANDARD.
Conall: At this point I would like to point out, on Pokémon gold I have a level 100 garrydos which will own every Pokémon you have ever had.

Conall: Laxative. Because I am assuming the island we will be on will have lots of guava… No I am changing my mind. My luxury Item is Marvin Gaye.
Kyle: Marvin Gaye is not a luxury Item.
Conall: What is he then a commodity! Treat people with respect. You’re just jealous I will get all the attention from the islanders.

Kyle book: A series of unfortunate events – the end.
Conall: So you pick a kids book.
Kyle: It has sentimental value.

Conall book: The complete works of Sylvia Plath.
Kyle is moaning about this not being fair for some reason. I dunno.
Conall: I love Sylvia Poetry + the bell jar will be a consistent source of entertainment whilst we use Mr Snicket as loo roll.

Kyle: Yes  I will take the bible. I love god. I am virtually Jesus. Love love me say that you love me.
Conall: No. I will not take the bible I want to take Human all too human.
Kyle: Why do you not take the Qu’ran.
Conall: Because the philosophical outlook of one Friedrich Nietzsche will provide hours of hilarious fun as we discover how nihilistic and solipsistic one can become, which will in turn become hilarious as we realise our so called tragedy of being abandoned on an island is in fact meaningless and our whole lives are of no value whatsoever especially Kyle’s.
Kyle: People who don’t know us will wonder why we’re friends. You’d make a good journalist.
Conall: Yeah but I want a real job.
(Kyle is on a journalism course).

Well that was our abbreviated desert island discs. Which shows just how much Kyle’s music taste sucks.
I did ask him how he wanted to end this. But he replied
‘I have a feeling you won’t listen to anything I say’. To this I say, I am glad on our fictional island he will have the chance to read Nietzsche.

At this point Kyle is still grumpy because I refused to retype his book choice to make it the walking dead graphic novel. But I don’t see how this will change things as it will still be used as a fire lighter.

Because that is how Conall Sees it. 

Theatre making or Eating a metaphorical cop who is a symbol for Capitalism's face because you are a passive aggressive arty type.

So recently I was posed this question, by Simon (honorable mention).
‘What do you think is in it for a 'British Teen' who makes theatre?'. 
So to stop me going on a disorganised Nietzsche-esc internal rant which ends up criticising the fact the universe is infinite, I shall use some sub-headings with expanding size.

Personally:
I feel there is a lot to gain from making theatre myself as a British teen. It allows me to express creatively. It allows me to bring up issues, express insecurities, ask political questions and challenge pre-conceptions of both being British and Being a teenager. Most importantly, I get to be silly. This creative environment is non-judgmental and we offer to share ourselves and be judged on what we have to share. Where else does this happen other than in theatre making?
It’s something I believe a lot of people are missing, and our exposure to art in life and education is frankly poor. It allows us to question whether the artistic goals of personal growth are more valuable than the consumerist capitalist ideologies we are spoon fed by everything else.  *DISCLAIMER* (The following metaphor is poorly chosen but I think the passive aggressiveness comes across well).
It’s like that scene in Silence of the lambs, where Hannibal lector escapes the jail cell. The Cops are the media trying to prevent art which questions escaping the cell and theatre is Mr Lector. Then of course the consumerism is the guy whose face gets eaten.

Socially (in the place we live in):
The answer to this is well frankly more negative. As a society we have become disenfranchised with theatre as a concept. Take for instance, the Olympian, train’s hours a day for most of their lives to be the best they can be. Take the actor does three years training and that’s about it. There is no continual growth for the actor only approaching a steady state of mediocrity. No wonder we have become disinterested in theatre because there is no desire to make GREAT theatre. Name the last great playwright. Yes, I’m talking about Shakespeare. Yes, that was like 400 years ago.
 As an actor there are places we can practice  As a theatre maker (and a student) there are much more limited options. That’s because theatre is a logistical nightmare due to the above reasons… So as much as I’m annoyed by the lack of art spaces for us ‘British Teens’. I understand why there is none.

Nationally: I had an interesting conversation about National identity and theatre with a nice lady called Jen. She’s a researcher who asked me ‘Why is it that we cannot accept eastern European ideas of theatre because they are foreign to us?’. Well we do have a closed minded approach to theatre and the truth of it is, there is no real place for British teens to make theatre.
That said there are Brilliant institutions such as the national youth theatre which allow young people to be in high quality and forward thinking pieces.  This makes me think there is a possibility to bring theatre back into mainstream culture and use it to question the values of a mainstream media which is probably the only thing that annoys me more than the last boss in Tekken 3.

Universally:
Because the universe is so huge. There is no point to a British teen to make…  Wait, The subheadings were to stop me doing this…
And that’s just how Conall sees  it.

Brian.

Hello there. My name is Kyle. Why am I telling you this piece of information? Well, it's been so long since I posted, that you've probably forgotten me. I trust Conall has kept you entertained? No? Well, that doesn't surprise me.

I got to thinking about the purpose of blogging, and how this blog doesn't really follow the rules. The title of this blog is The Life And Times Of A British Teen(s). I.E, Conall and I. Now, it can be argued that we aren't the perfect picture of typical "british" teens. I myself having lived in Africa for most of my life and Conall.. well, Conall is Conall. So yes. Not the perfect portrayal. But together, I think we do an alright job of putting forward a half decent blog, when we can bothered to post.

So, moving on to my point, the typical British teen. Tonight, at the drama club Conall and I attend, I played what I saw as the typical British teen. But, then I realised, there is no 'typical' teen. While a massive cliche, we all have these things that make us different. Brian, (The teen I played), was a chavy, abused (apparently), bully. Who just wanted to be loved. Kyle (me) is a socially recluse, non-drinking, non-smoking, too afraid to try anything new kinda guy. One at a time please ladies.

So, while this post may not have had any point, or reason, it was just to say that Conall and I will continue posting, and continue to be us. Whoever that may be.

Thanks for reading.

-Insert sign off phrase here-

-Kyle

Dislocation followed by solitude then isolation.

So this blog has been on hiatus (ooh fancy word). Because, I've been stupidly busy with Le Crucible. But guess what it’s your lucky day in the words of Mr SWAZZINGGEERR ‘I’ll be back’ and this is me back! POW.

So because I took time out, to do some theatre, I thought. Why not have a seasonal edition! Then I thought naah. We’ll do one about MY FAVORITE LIVING ACTORS.
SO HERE IS LE TOP FIEEVVVE. In no particular order.

Lets get the obvious cliché out of the way.
DANIEL DAY LEWIS.

Firstly, he is an extraordinary craftsmen, the amount of research and commitment he gifts to a role is exemplary and this tradesman ship should be valued.
Secondly, there will be blood. (do I need to say anything more?)

And his less commended role in the film gangs of new York. Yes this film is RUINED by Leonardo do craprio. But DDL’s role as the Butcher is chilling and possibly the second best villain to grace the silver screen.

2.       Speaking of best villains. Javier Bardem, No country for old men. Chigurh, this character is chilling. It was this that introduced me to Bardem’s work. His metaphorical representation of this angel of death was a brilliant on screen performance. Then I watched Biutiful, OH MY GOD. THIS MAN IS BRILLIANT. WATCH ALL HIS FILMS. He was also in a rather terrible version of Love in the time of cholera which is one of my favourite books. But it was Javier Bardem so he was fine. I BLAME EVERYONE ELSE.

3.       Adrien Brody. Brody is to acting what fish and chips is to British culture.  He is probably the most natural on screen presence of our generation. He’s like thirty and already won an Oscar. Now here’s the thing. THE PIANIST. If you’ve not seen it get your clinex and watch in… now.  Also he co-produced ‘Detachment’ which is totally my new favourite film. He’s also beautiful in this film, playing a substitute teacher trying to avoid confronting the problems with the American education system. Watch it after the pianist. Just do it.

4.       Alan Rickman. Alan Rickmans silky voice and randomly situated pauses. Make him a clear pick for this list. He’s even good in a film called blowdry. Which to be honest is painfully bad, then Rickman kicks arse. Look at these performances in terms of Dogma and Rasputin. He nails them both in completely different ways. Plus he could play any character. Seriously. Pick up any script with any part and Alan fits.

5.       So we have one pick left. Whose it going to be Christian Bale? Kevin Spacey? Sir Ian Mckellen?(it would be Sir Ian if he didn’t sell out to make 9 hours of the Hobbit). Narrowly beating out Edward Norton and Forest Whittaker (lost for the criminal minds spin off) for the final place on the list is… Not Morgan Freeman (he’s number 6 ;). But it is non-other than, Jaoquin Pheonix! Almost purely for his undeniably brilliant performance as Jonny Cash. He’s a fabulous underrated talent and one to watch. I feel he is one who the baton will be passed to in coming years. Bring on some great films Jaoquin. 

You may well disagree with this, and it's by no means comprehensive. But that is how Conall sees it.

I'm A Media Student Now

Good day friends, Kyle here

I trust you have all had a great two weeks since Conall last spoke to you. If you didn't we shall make it up to you. I say this because my ego leads me to believe that you actually care about what I type while sitting here, alone, in the dark. Silly ego

So, yes. As you can probably deduce from the title, I, K.B Shiels, am now a college media student. With freshers over and "bonding activities" done, I am now learning media skills on a day to day basis. Soon, I plan to start vlogging with Conall instead of primitively typing. This is the video age. Get on board or get out of the way. (So anyone with a decent video camera and mic can now hand that over. We provide you with kick ass blog. You provide us with expensive tech that we will most likely break. Simples)

So, so far as a media student, I have taken photos of things, recorded things, interviewed people and done virtually no writing. You mad school kids? But, jokes aside, I'm having a great time. The tutors are great, my new friends are funny and awesome. SO STOP MESSAGING ME AND ASKING ME! I'm just kidding. I love it when you bother me about stuff I've told you before.

I also went to see Michael McIntyre this week in Sheffield with my friend Aidan.. or is it Aiden? I can't be arsed clicking on the Facebook tab to check. Sorry Aiden/Aidan. Moving on, McIntyre was hilarious as always. From making fun of Rochdale to annoying Yorksire people, he was fantastic. I strongly suggest you go watch him. Oh wait. The majority of you are in South Africa and don't get to see 1st world talent. Sorry about that. One day.

Once again, thanks for taking the time to read this drivel, and I bet you can't wait for Kick Ass Diction with Conall to return.

So from all of us here in Kyle's room, good night, and bye for now!