Electro-shock treatment.

Welcome all
Loyal readers. Random internet strays. Keyboard warriors.
With Kyle still in S.A, Conall is back with some more Kick ass diction.

This time it's movie reviews and I've kept them short and sweet.
There may be 1 or 2 spoilers. Somewhere...

1. Taken: Liam Neeson beats up foreigners for an hour and a half. Then finds him and kills him. Winning.

2. The Matrix: That Rabbit hole goes deep.

3. Twighlight: A documentary about abusive paedophilia, in southern America. But its OK because Cedric looks like he’s 17.

4. Dear John: genuinely, I would rather castrate myself than watch this again.

5. Zoolander: I love the realistic view into the tough world of being really really ridiculously good looking. A must watch for all wannabe male models.

6. Hostel: This film was just lacking something, err, I can’t quite put my finger… Oh yeah a plot.

7. Seven: Sevenception, ‘WHATSS IN THEE BOXXX’.

8. Gangs of new York: Good but ruined by Leonardo decaprio.

9. Titanic: Ruined by DeCaprio.

10. Inception: wake up your in a dream that’s about to be ruined by De caprio…

11. Shutter Island: Ruine… Wait that film was crap to begin with.

12. I am Legend: So lets make a film with Will Smith and just completely rewrite the story… So its got loads of guns in and violence and a dog.

13. Toy Story 3: This ended my child hood. I threw away my toys once, it was sad.

14. Star wars episode 1: What happened George, really what happened?

15. Watchmen: WHY you change the ending. Why you change the ending?

16. Contagion: Laurence Fishburn playing another doctor SHOCK HORROR. Its funny how Matt Damon’s whole family dies in the first ten minutes though.

17. Dogma: Chris Rock and Alan Rickman, in the same film. Say no more.

18. Lord of the rings fellowship of the ring: They added the scene from Amon Hen which actually happens in two towers this inaccuracy erks me.

19. Lord of the rings the two towers: Since when did elves turn up at helms deep? JACKSON!

20. Lord of the rings return of the king: Why did you cut Prince imrahil, he’s bad ass. And not enough Sir Ian.

21. 50 first dates: Adam sandler being a dick. Who likes him anyway?

22. The Godfather : Marlon Brando, you could order my death anyday.

23. The Horde: Zombies + Policemen + FRENCH GANGSTERS. FILMGASM

24. 28 days later: Sometimes, I put on the music and I creep around the house. It makes me feel alive.

25. 28 weeks later: I like to forget about this piece of fly encrusted dog faeces.

26. Breakfast at tiffany’s: Why do people keep changing endings of things I just don’t Koala bear.

27. Reel steal: Fighting robots, wait I’ve seen this before and it had Ray Charles hosting it…

28. Mean Girls: ‘You can’t sit with us’ I don’t like it when people are mean, so I didn’t really like this film.

29. Charley and the chocolate factory (the original): A documentary about the mal-treatment of women workers in Newcastle.

30. Kick ass: This film is every little boys dream, loosing all feeling and never fearing a testikick again.

31. Legally blonde: IS it weird I actually like this film?

32. Stake land: A critic of Bible belt America disguised as a vampire flick, you what?

33. Mad Max 2: Suddenly the world ended. Didn’t take long.

34. I-robot: Asamov kicks arse. And so does Will Smith.

35. The stand: Baby can you dig your man? You can dig him a grave, lol super virus’s.

36. Batman Begins: This film is actually incorrect, don’t tell anyone but ‘I’m batman’

37. Tropic thunder: Watch it they said, it’ll be funny they said.

38. West Side Story: I like this film purely because the rival gangs are full of ballet dancers and I like to think turf wars are conducted through the medium of modernist ballet.

39. Anchorman: Would you like to hear me play jazz flute? The bit where Bricks like ‘And there was a guy on fire and I I killed a man with a trident’ Makes me laugh just thinking about it.

40. Sweeney Todd: This is what happened when Ted Bundey rewrote Mamma Mia.

41. Mamma Mia: James bond, Cannot sing.

42. Indianna Jones and the temple of doom: This is my favourite Indi film because it has a stereotyped Chinese kid in it, and I can relate to it better. (Not enough Shaun Connery).

43. This is England: A child, that can act? What is this blasphemy. (the other guy was annoying in Misfits though).

44. Superbad: The sequal to quite bad and moderately bad. Featuring Mclovin, if you hadn’t have seen this you’d probably think it was a ‘special’ film. Superbad featuring Mclovin….

45. Rec: This is the only film where the cameraman dies. #Realism.

46. House of 9: This film is shockingly bad, except the ending is really clever.

47. The running man: Arnold Swartzanegers first utterance of ‘I’ll be back’ The man barely speaks English, and still manages to destroy a Stephen King classic.

48. Another Earth: Its indie as a band t-shirt and the minimalist dialogue and beautiful acting surrounding an engaging plot. I like it ok, its actually worth seeing.

49. Harry Potter 1: A film about a socially clueless wizard boy with that guy who got his knob out in that play about horses.

50. Dirty dancing: A real portrayal of first love and finding romance. If you say you don’t like it, you are lying.

And that's how Conall sees it.