Welcome all
Loyal readers. Random internet strays. Keyboard warriors.
With Kyle still in S.A, Conall is back with some more Kick ass diction.
This time it's movie reviews and I've kept them short and sweet.
There may be 1 or 2 spoilers. Somewhere...
1. Taken: Liam Neeson beats up foreigners for an hour and a half. Then finds him and kills him. Winning.
2. The Matrix: That Rabbit hole goes deep.
3. Twighlight: A documentary about abusive paedophilia, in southern America. But its OK because Cedric looks like he’s 17.
4. Dear John: genuinely, I would rather castrate myself than watch this again.
5. Zoolander: I love the realistic view into the tough world of being really really ridiculously good looking. A must watch for all wannabe male models.
6. Hostel: This film was just lacking something, err, I can’t quite put my finger… Oh yeah a plot.
7. Seven: Sevenception, ‘WHATSS IN THEE BOXXX’.
8. Gangs of new York: Good but ruined by Leonardo decaprio.
9. Titanic: Ruined by DeCaprio.
10. Inception: wake up your in a dream that’s about to be ruined by De caprio…
11. Shutter Island: Ruine… Wait that film was crap to begin with.
12. I am Legend: So lets make a film with Will Smith and just completely rewrite the story… So its got loads of guns in and violence and a dog.
13. Toy Story 3: This ended my child hood. I threw away my toys once, it was sad.
14. Star wars episode 1: What happened George, really what happened?
15. Watchmen: WHY you change the ending. Why you change the ending?
16. Contagion: Laurence Fishburn playing another doctor SHOCK HORROR. Its funny how Matt Damon’s whole family dies in the first ten minutes though.
17. Dogma: Chris Rock and Alan Rickman, in the same film. Say no more.
18. Lord of the rings fellowship of the ring: They added the scene from Amon Hen which actually happens in two towers this inaccuracy erks me.
19. Lord of the rings the two towers: Since when did elves turn up at helms deep? JACKSON!
20. Lord of the rings return of the king: Why did you cut Prince imrahil, he’s bad ass. And not enough Sir Ian.
21. 50 first dates: Adam sandler being a dick. Who likes him anyway?
22. The Godfather : Marlon Brando, you could order my death anyday.
23. The Horde: Zombies + Policemen + FRENCH GANGSTERS. FILMGASM
24. 28 days later: Sometimes, I put on the music and I creep around the house. It makes me feel alive.
25. 28 weeks later: I like to forget about this piece of fly encrusted dog faeces.
26. Breakfast at tiffany’s: Why do people keep changing endings of things I just don’t Koala bear.
27. Reel steal: Fighting robots, wait I’ve seen this before and it had Ray Charles hosting it…
28. Mean Girls: ‘You can’t sit with us’ I don’t like it when people are mean, so I didn’t really like this film.
29. Charley and the chocolate factory (the original): A documentary about the mal-treatment of women workers in Newcastle.
30. Kick ass: This film is every little boys dream, loosing all feeling and never fearing a testikick again.
31. Legally blonde: IS it weird I actually like this film?
32. Stake land: A critic of Bible belt America disguised as a vampire flick, you what?
33. Mad Max 2: Suddenly the world ended. Didn’t take long.
34. I-robot: Asamov kicks arse. And so does Will Smith.
35. The stand: Baby can you dig your man? You can dig him a grave, lol super virus’s.
36. Batman Begins: This film is actually incorrect, don’t tell anyone but ‘I’m batman’
37. Tropic thunder: Watch it they said, it’ll be funny they said.
38. West Side Story: I like this film purely because the rival gangs are full of ballet dancers and I like to think turf wars are conducted through the medium of modernist ballet.
39. Anchorman: Would you like to hear me play jazz flute? The bit where Bricks like ‘And there was a guy on fire and I I killed a man with a trident’ Makes me laugh just thinking about it.
40. Sweeney Todd: This is what happened when Ted Bundey rewrote Mamma Mia.
41. Mamma Mia: James bond, Cannot sing.
42. Indianna Jones and the temple of doom: This is my favourite Indi film because it has a stereotyped Chinese kid in it, and I can relate to it better. (Not enough Shaun Connery).
43. This is England: A child, that can act? What is this blasphemy. (the other guy was annoying in Misfits though).
44. Superbad: The sequal to quite bad and moderately bad. Featuring Mclovin, if you hadn’t have seen this you’d probably think it was a ‘special’ film. Superbad featuring Mclovin….
45. Rec: This is the only film where the cameraman dies. #Realism.
46. House of 9: This film is shockingly bad, except the ending is really clever.
47. The running man: Arnold Swartzanegers first utterance of ‘I’ll be back’ The man barely speaks English, and still manages to destroy a Stephen King classic.
48. Another Earth: Its indie as a band t-shirt and the minimalist dialogue and beautiful acting surrounding an engaging plot. I like it ok, its actually worth seeing.
49. Harry Potter 1: A film about a socially clueless wizard boy with that guy who got his knob out in that play about horses.
50. Dirty dancing: A real portrayal of first love and finding romance. If you say you don’t like it, you are lying.
And that's how Conall sees it.
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Tuesday 10 July 2012
Replacement theoropy
Hello, all.
This is awkward.
Kyle is In SOUTH AFRICA. Where everyone is either racist or politically corrupt and the accent is like Australian but with more gusto.
So, This is Conall Taking over the blog. I'm not sure if it's a joint thing or a temporary addition. But Hello all.
Today I have decided to produce a list of underrated things for you all to purvey, so enjoy!
A: Avocado’s. They’re silky texture and delicious taste, will make a great addition to any salad. Or with lots of cottage cheese… I’m hungry.
B: Bin men! I once was watching the bin man from my window, and he took a Pikachu hat and some sweets out of a bin. And he wore the hat and took the sweets for his kids. What a lovely man. Whose job is so underrated.
C: Cacology, because it’s like the scorecard better home. (geek joke)
D:Diaghram you couldn’t live without it!
E: Elijah wood. The actor. He’s badass. And he played Frodo, and everyone was like ‘Oh Legolas you so baddass’ Who destroyed the ring? The 5’6 tank that is Elijah Wood. Underrated
F: Freedom, Underrated people don’t realise how free a country Britain is I can write pretty much anything I like, and most people won’t care but I still am free to do so!
G: General relativity, Einstein’s theory of Gravity, which he just came out with and was ignored. But it’s a colossal idea. Basically imagine a dog making a car and smoking a cigar whilst driving backwards without using a wing mirror, whilst on fire, and you’ll comprehend the magnitude of Einsteins original thought.
H: Holding hands. The most underrated aspect of courtship. Plus its scientifically proven touching people makes them like you! It’s like kissing for faceless people!
I: Iwan Rheon, the guy from Misfits who plays Simon. Not underrated your thinking, what you don’t know is. He’s incredible! He plays guitar and sings and is a nice human being and he’s like amazingly Welsh. Plus lets be honest, everyone had a crush on future simon in series 3.
J: Jokes, such as, ‘How do you know if someone has an I-phone? They tell you.’ ‘What do you call a teletubby that’s just been robbed? Tubby’ or ‘A higgs-boson walks into a church and the priest says ‘you can’t be in here’ and the boson replies ‘but you cant have a mass without me’.
K: Kindness, sometimes people hold a door or something and you think ‘why did they do that?’ Kind acts are underrated.
L: Lady of Shanghai (the) A film from the 1940’s which is really underrated, with Orson Welles and Rita Hepworth.
M: Me. Need I say more?
N: Nostalgia, originally used as a mental illness for French soldier off to war, now totally underrated. Who misses the 90’s? Wip out your Pokemon, NOSTALGIA TO THE MAX. I get nostalgic from Saturday night fever and I wasn’t even alive in the 70’s.
O: Ozymandias by Percy Shelley…
P: Poetry, In my opinion it’s the purest of art forms which most closely links author to reader, achieving the over all goal of art. To not only give to the receiver something to look at but to give the receiver a piece of oneself. Under the proviso it’s not overly wordy and pretentious.
Q: Quirkiness, its like a nice way to call people weird. Plus we all love the quirky ones we include them for our amusement.
R: Rita Hepworth, a talented 40’s actress who never made a bad film, and is quite possibly the most beautiful women who ever lived. Forget Monroe and Hepburn. It’s all about Hepworth. UNDERRATED.
S: Serotonin it’s the thing that makes you happy! ‘The happy hormone’ and the chief ingredient in Prozac. We never say ‘thank you high Serotonin levels’ Underrated.
T: Toilets, what would life be like without them?
U: Unilateral thinking, well it helps win arguments. And when people think unilaterally they usually get things done. Too much free thinking is a bad thing.
V: Vaccinations, don’t fancy polio or Whooping cough? Get Vaccinated. Underrated!
W: Water, your like ‘yeah it doesn’t taste of anything’ I’m like you are 70% water. BOOM.
X: X-rays provided by the NHS, loose but we all complain about the NHS and hospitals but who doesn’t love free health care.
Y: Youth, it’s the old cliché of wanting to get older, getting old and wanting to be young. Youthfulness is underrated.
Z: Zero Punctuation, its this guy on ‘ the escapist’ who reviews video games. I don’t even play video games but I watch him because he’s hilarious! Underrated.
And that's how Conall see's it.
This is awkward.
Kyle is In SOUTH AFRICA. Where everyone is either racist or politically corrupt and the accent is like Australian but with more gusto.
So, This is Conall Taking over the blog. I'm not sure if it's a joint thing or a temporary addition. But Hello all.
Today I have decided to produce a list of underrated things for you all to purvey, so enjoy!
A: Avocado’s. They’re silky texture and delicious taste, will make a great addition to any salad. Or with lots of cottage cheese… I’m hungry.
B: Bin men! I once was watching the bin man from my window, and he took a Pikachu hat and some sweets out of a bin. And he wore the hat and took the sweets for his kids. What a lovely man. Whose job is so underrated.
C: Cacology, because it’s like the scorecard better home. (geek joke)
D:Diaghram you couldn’t live without it!
E: Elijah wood. The actor. He’s badass. And he played Frodo, and everyone was like ‘Oh Legolas you so baddass’ Who destroyed the ring? The 5’6 tank that is Elijah Wood. Underrated
F: Freedom, Underrated people don’t realise how free a country Britain is I can write pretty much anything I like, and most people won’t care but I still am free to do so!
G: General relativity, Einstein’s theory of Gravity, which he just came out with and was ignored. But it’s a colossal idea. Basically imagine a dog making a car and smoking a cigar whilst driving backwards without using a wing mirror, whilst on fire, and you’ll comprehend the magnitude of Einsteins original thought.
H: Holding hands. The most underrated aspect of courtship. Plus its scientifically proven touching people makes them like you! It’s like kissing for faceless people!
I: Iwan Rheon, the guy from Misfits who plays Simon. Not underrated your thinking, what you don’t know is. He’s incredible! He plays guitar and sings and is a nice human being and he’s like amazingly Welsh. Plus lets be honest, everyone had a crush on future simon in series 3.
J: Jokes, such as, ‘How do you know if someone has an I-phone? They tell you.’ ‘What do you call a teletubby that’s just been robbed? Tubby’ or ‘A higgs-boson walks into a church and the priest says ‘you can’t be in here’ and the boson replies ‘but you cant have a mass without me’.
K: Kindness, sometimes people hold a door or something and you think ‘why did they do that?’ Kind acts are underrated.
L: Lady of Shanghai (the) A film from the 1940’s which is really underrated, with Orson Welles and Rita Hepworth.
M: Me. Need I say more?
N: Nostalgia, originally used as a mental illness for French soldier off to war, now totally underrated. Who misses the 90’s? Wip out your Pokemon, NOSTALGIA TO THE MAX. I get nostalgic from Saturday night fever and I wasn’t even alive in the 70’s.
O: Ozymandias by Percy Shelley…
P: Poetry, In my opinion it’s the purest of art forms which most closely links author to reader, achieving the over all goal of art. To not only give to the receiver something to look at but to give the receiver a piece of oneself. Under the proviso it’s not overly wordy and pretentious.
Q: Quirkiness, its like a nice way to call people weird. Plus we all love the quirky ones we include them for our amusement.
R: Rita Hepworth, a talented 40’s actress who never made a bad film, and is quite possibly the most beautiful women who ever lived. Forget Monroe and Hepburn. It’s all about Hepworth. UNDERRATED.
S: Serotonin it’s the thing that makes you happy! ‘The happy hormone’ and the chief ingredient in Prozac. We never say ‘thank you high Serotonin levels’ Underrated.
T: Toilets, what would life be like without them?
U: Unilateral thinking, well it helps win arguments. And when people think unilaterally they usually get things done. Too much free thinking is a bad thing.
V: Vaccinations, don’t fancy polio or Whooping cough? Get Vaccinated. Underrated!
W: Water, your like ‘yeah it doesn’t taste of anything’ I’m like you are 70% water. BOOM.
X: X-rays provided by the NHS, loose but we all complain about the NHS and hospitals but who doesn’t love free health care.
Y: Youth, it’s the old cliché of wanting to get older, getting old and wanting to be young. Youthfulness is underrated.
Z: Zero Punctuation, its this guy on ‘ the escapist’ who reviews video games. I don’t even play video games but I watch him because he’s hilarious! Underrated.
And that's how Conall see's it.
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