Universe(ity) or the crippling Freshers hang over.

HEY KICK ASS DICTION FANS! Conall here, Long time no speak. I’ve been busy lurnin to spek gud & right Gud at da Unaversity of Queen Mary. I’m now a drama student. So I’m going to make more cutting and insightful comments on here. And who knows I may actually blog with some relevance at some point about vaguely political things or maybe theatre or about living in London. Who knows the world is my oyster card.

5 Important lessons I have learnt at University.

1.       People conform really quickly to basic social conventions… Basically during freshers you do this thing where you ask 3 questions and don’t really care about the answers. These are, your name, what you study and where are you from. From this I received three generic replies ‘Conner?’ (My name takes two goes to get; sometimes I have to spell it). ‘Oh drama that’s interesting… So you want to be an actor then?’ and ‘Oh your northern/where’s that up north?’… What I originally thought was stigma about being northern is just how people from the south display love. They all love Yorkshire and have some vague uncle who once delivered a parcel of meat to friend in Shefield and survived. I mean why not love Yorkshire we brought loads of great things into the world, me, the correct way to say scone, Yorkshire tea, the second best county cricket team and most importantly that hilarious twerk joke.

2.       Somewhere inside me is a very confused little girl. So in a recent workshop from Julia Bardsley (this was a really long process which I shall lampoon here even though it was actually quite fascinating) we had to create a ‘persona’ through ritual by wearing other people’s clothes… Mine ended up as a little girl called Mrs Claire Lee Divided with a sock puppet best friend called Handy… Anyway these are supposedly abstractions of ourselves… So now I can no longer sleep at night.

3.       Sleeping, eating and reading are the basic human functions.

4.       Freshers flu is not a myth. Freshers flu is real. And I have seen it and oh lord does it have a strong wrath.

5.       You’re not really a contemporary performance artist until you put boobs in your work. They have a secret club that your only allowed in if you have had partial nudity in your work. It’s true google it. This has led me to constant fear that the uni will block my internet because  of the amount of flesh on display… But it’s art so its socially acceptable.

6.       I said 5. But because the blogs all edgy now I have 6. People in London need to take walking lessons, because they all just want to walk into you for a cheeky hug. The lovable robotic workaholic money rich time poor denizens of our capital. I like to think the whole of London is just playing a huge primary school game of kiss catch.

You don’t have to agree with any of these things because after all it’s just how Conall sees it.